Humor

All of these may not be funny to everyone... but some of them are funny to everyone.

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We polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

Read more: No Wonder The...

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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California.

Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test,"

replies the driver.

While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down.

"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."

"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.

Read more: New Car

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Cyril Takayama (born September 27, 1973) is an American illusionist of Japanese and French descent. He is a member of the short-lived television series T.H.E.M.(2004).

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1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

 

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Read more: 10 Words That...

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If this country gets any fatter we’re going to have to put another notch in the Bible Belt.
- Ron White

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This end actually looks better...

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AP Wire -- Raleigh ,  NC , 02/22/13

Jeff Gordon announced today that in preparation for  the Daytona 500, he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's stimulus scheme for employing under privileged Chicago  teenagers. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent  documentary on how street gangs from Chicago were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with  thousands of dollars' worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be politically correct and a bold move by Gordon's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits.

 

02/25/13  UPDATE

However, Gordon got more than he bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 9 seconds they had repainted it, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

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A truly touching story.... 

I met a girl in the park the other evening. 

There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. 

As we lay making love, I thought 

 

"These Taser guns are well worth the money". 

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