A Texan died and ascended into Heaven.
St. Peter met him and welcomed him saying "You will certainly enjoy Paradise."
The Texan shook his head sadly and said "I always thought that TEXAS was Paradise."
St. Peter said "Well, let me show you what we have to offer." He took the Texan to an area that had a beautiful river flowing through it with wildlife and flowers everywhere. "Isn't this beautiful?" said St. Peter.
The Texan replied, "Yes, but not as pretty as the area around AUSTIN and SAN ANTONIO"
Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another area where there were rolling hills, whitetail deer and bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush everywhere. "Now" said St. Peter "Have you ever seen anything so wonderful?"
The Texan paused and said "Yes, it is beautiful but it does not hold a candle to the TEXAS HILL COUNTRY in the springtime."
Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the Texan to a beautiful white beach, with gentle waves, and an azure sky. "Now have you seen anything this beautiful in Texas" said St. Peter.
The Texan smiled and said "I guess you've never been to SOUTH PADRE ISLAND".
At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a large rock. On the side of the rock was a huge iron door. St. Peter opened the door and they stepped into an elevator and started going down.
As they descended, it grew more and more hot. When the elevator door opened, it revealed the fires of damnation-Hell. St. Peter said, "Now, have you got anything in Texas that can top that?"
The Texan thought a moment and shook his head. "No, but I know a couple of old boys from HOUSTON that can put that thing out for you."